I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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