Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
