I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
