What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
