I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
