News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
