i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
