I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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