we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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