youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
