so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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