One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
