sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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