i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The power of my boobs compel you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
