New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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