He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
