I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
