i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I currently don't understand fingers.
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