Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
