the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
