Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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