I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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