she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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