I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
