she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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