i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
sex in a hospital.. check
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
