I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
