i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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