One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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