i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
