Non-Jews are for practice
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
