Life is so much better after having sex.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
