my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
