I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
