Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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