Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
