Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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