I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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