just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
