You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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