im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
