I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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