so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize