just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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