Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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