there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
