life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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