My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
