You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
