I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
