I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
