I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
