I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
