Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pants are for mortals
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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