That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
