So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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