My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
