She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
