I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
