Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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