so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
