get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
