did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
