he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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