i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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