i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
