So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
