no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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