i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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