Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize